Thursday, May 31, 2012

First Day Of Summer

Well today was one of the better first days of summer that I have had in the past couple of years. I spent the first couple hours of the wee morning watching Nadia G's Bitchin Kitchen. Then slept in and felt stupendous. Then sent my little brothers off to school and sat and did nothing for a few hours. After that we went to hang out with my aunt and cousins for the afternoon. It was hilarious. We went to Allred park and ate a Wendy's picnic, then played on the playground for a little while. When the kids were ready to leave they all hoped into the car except for the five year old. All of the adults and me waited to see how long till they cam out demanding us to take them somewhere to get wet. Then the five year old then came up to us and asked, "Why are you guys just sitting here? We are going to another park."  When we didn't get up he then said, "Fine the kids are leaving, I know how to drive!" Well after that we then proceeded to Wines Park where an epic water battle ensued. You can't say you have seen true entertainment till you see a bunch of  kids with water needles chasing each other  around with the most epic battle faces on the entire time. It was hilarious. Then at the end of the outing  the older kids decided to give rock feet massages to the grown ups. It was overall an amazing day

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Happiness Part II

Happiness comes in waves. Just like the ocean.There are high tides and low tides. There are also those mystical nights where there is no tide at all. At times there are high concentrations of happiness, which are obvious to see, others there are low concentrations where it is the little, subtle things that are signs of true happiness.  Then there are the days were there is no happiness at all. Like a wild roller coaster taking you on a ride. Some days you are as high as high and others you are beneath the line. The slumps as they are called. You can try all you want but they are inescapable. They will always be there in the end to bring you down. You just have to rise above it and try. But sadly you will fail sometimes, and relish in the depression that comes. But if you listen hard enough and truly seek you will find something to brighten your day. And that makes the pain a little more bearable, the suffering a little less, The burden a little lighter. Then slowly you begin to rise. With the knowledge that you will reach the peak. Slowly though and relish in the joy for every minute it lasts.

Anguish in the Back Seat

Feeling all broken inside. What is wrong ? Just sitting in the backseat, the spare, the extra. A fifth wheel in the car. There but not really. Looked over and passed up for a newer model something thought of as better. Something not really desired to be seen with on a car. A useless doughnut, just there to fill up the empty space. Temporary, there to be replaced. Not good enough to be remembered. Cast aside till it is needed again. Then neglected, and forgotten. It is always there when you need it, but otherwise you forget it.  Just there. That is the true anguish felt by those who are just there to be there. Maybe wanted some of the times, and seen with good intentions, but not good enough. No never good enough to fit seamlessly with everyone else. Just there to make others feel like they are doing the right thing. That is all. Wanted but not, There but not, Alive but not truly, for they are dead inside.

Monday, May 28, 2012


I saw this today on a grave stone at the Orem cemetery and just really liked it.

"Perhaps they are not stars in the sky but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know that they are happy"

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Dhoom Again

This song is from and Indian Film entitled Dhoom 2. The dancing in this clip is so amazing. The female lead is Miss Universe, and the male lead is an Indian superstar with an extra finger.


Conversations running through my brain. Loud and proud. Confusing and agitating all at the same time. Some bring peace, others annoy and dredge up emotions and feelings of the past. In my head they take turns never allowed to take outside of my head. In my head the conversations can do anything they want. In the real world however conversations aren't so nice. They are fleeting when they actually happen a few words and pleasantries then there they go. Fleeting in the wind like the songs of the birds. They used to have meaning an depth. Now nothing more then the empty air used to form the words that carry them.They accomplish nothing now, just to fill the empty void where they used to overfill with emotions and provoked thoughts. They will never be what they were if they continue on like this. All they are now is a way to maintain that which is lost, or try to maintain it. Though they know that they never will

History Repeats Itself

History will always repeat itself no matter how hard we try to stop it.
We can change the situation, or the people, or the amount of work you put into stopping it , but it will always repeat.
The seasons change the, the time goes by, but history is in a loop.
Constantly repeating. Day by day, minute by minute, always the same never changing.
There is no way to stop it. It is a force bigger then everything else.
We can try are hardest,but we will never escape the past.
It will always be there in the shadows waiting for its time to surface and repeat again and again,forever never changing.
You see it happen and know that you can never change it and just have to face it and live with it day by day.

Mother's Day

This is a little late but a couple of weeks ago it was mother's day. I would just like to say that I have one of the best mom's in the entire world. She help's me so much to accomplish all that I want to accomplish. She is the one who is always there to talk to and always has a shoulder to cry on. I honestly wouldn't even be half the person I am to day without her. She is nothing but a blessing in my life and I wouldn't trade her for any one. Even though I don't always tell her I hope she knows that I love her and am so grateful towards her for all she has done for me.

Saturday, May 5, 2012

A Sunny Day

The air is perfect with that sharp summer crispness to it. The sun is out, beating down its glorious rays that excite, invite, and warm. There is a slight breeze that cools just enough to make it a comfortable summer day. the birds are out, there are children out playing. It is one of those rare days were it truly feels like paradise. Even the simple act of sitting in the front yard is enjoyable and relaxing. You can taste the paradise, smell the perfection. It is one of those days that you cherish, one where the most meaningful memories tend to take place. Nothing in the world can ruin it. Nor would anyone try to. When these conditions come forth it is as if the universe is at equilibrium, a perfect balance. There is no contention anywhere. You feel completely peaceful. These are the days we crave for at anytime. They make this whole life worth living.  

You and all you do

How did it come to this. What is going on. Nothing like this has ever happened of that I am sure.

Your actions can change my mood and thoughts. You can be the person that brings me to the happiest that I have ever felt, but also you can make me feel the most self-conscious as well. Just by being yourself you can put me on a wild roller-coaster that always ends in an inner battle that I never know the outcome of.You can make me second guess my self, more then I ever have before.

I am intrigued by you and want to know more of your story, but scared to ask for fear of offending you and driving you away. I crave your company, but try to distance myself  because this is a completely new experience that scares me.At times I can read you like an open book, but other times it is like looking at the blackest night. I can tell nothing .  I feel the most comfortable that I have ever felt with another person when I am with you, but I also just can't bring my self to be completely open and comfortable with you.

There is no way to describe what exactly is going on. There are no words that can capture all of the emotions that have run through me since I met you. I am truly a different person because of you. I don't know how to put everything in words. I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but it all seems to help no matter what you say or do it is always helping me someway.

Thoughts in my Head

When a thought enters the empty space that is my mind, they start as just a little trickle. Thoughts take the form of water and eventually fill the emptiness with millions of thoughts. Then that thought that started as a trickle still is separate, just trying to hold on, taking all of my focus to keep it that way. Then that trickle reaches the abyss, where all thoughts must go to come to fruition as actions and words. As the thought reaches the edge it goes over, then it hits a ledge and splits into all the different possibilities that could come from that thought. As the one thought keeps coming and splitting into innumerable different little thoughts, it grows into a torrent of emotion and thoughts all connected, growing with the power of the sea of thoughts still on the top of the abyss. the torrent becomes to much for my focus to control. The thought then is set free to go where it wants to. Being a thought it doesn't worry about the situation it has created or the repercussions of all the things that it is flooding my mind with.

This is where the analytic part of my brain comes into play and desperately over analyze's the whole thought in its entirety.     It explores every different possibility presented, and the many things attached with this one thought that sprouted from a trickle. Pretty soon it overcomes all other thought and function and consumes me. Then I lose all aspect of thought, and rational thinking. It confuses me to no end and then, as if someone has pulled out the plug the whole flood and sea of thought is gone. Just like that in one instantaneous moment.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Bright and Shining

There are bright things in this world
They shine with a brilliance that is unparalleled among the stars.
They bring forth hope and love. They come in all shapes,sizes, colors, and forms.

Bright things can be the people whose company we enjoy. Or the activities that bring us joy. Joy is one emotion that can encompass all things bright

Once we have those things that bring the brightness to our lives solidified and can identify their source then comes the shining. When we encounter the bright things in our lives then we truly begin to shine. The shining has to come from within. Although it is caused by those things that bring brightness , the shining moment, that stupendous moment when we finally shine for all we are worth can not be allowed to cone unless we feel it inside of ourselves. If we don't believe that we can do it an are special. All of the brightness that is here to help heal and make this world a better place will have been wasted. We can no longer let the brightness be wasted we must embrace it here and now. Today without hesitation. Without it the world and purslanes will fall into bitter despair, grief, sorrow.

This is our chance to make a change. We can't let it go to waste. Find the bright things. Find the shining from within and embrace the joy and beauty of that moment.