Sunday, April 1, 2012

Inner Battle

Why is there always a constant battle going on inside of me. Why does it seem like the bad inside is always trying to get out. He makes me feel like at my very core I am evil. Am I? No, at least I don't think so. The battle always escalating till I can't bear it. Why can't I just come to terms with the bad I have done and let it go. Why does the pressure of the world have to make me feel this way. Make me feel like, if  I let go, I am the disappointment of the world for what I've done. Why did this all have to happen in the first place. Am I cheating myself by keeping it all in? Yes, but I am scared to let it out, scared of what people will think. How come fear always seems to keep its hold on me. Why can't I just let go and get back to the real me. The me I am proud to be. Why won't you let he let me vocalize my cry for help. He suffocates any attempt to change my self for the better. Why is it that the me inside that doesn't want me to succeed always seems to come out on top. For once I just want to let out who I really am, instead of the attempt at the real me that I put on as a mask each day. The other one makes me feel like dirt, and I am sick of it. But the hold is to deep for me to let it all out at once to those who will take it the hardest. I just need to come to terms and end the battle. If not then it is going to destroy me and I will have no hope.

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